Fear

I have moments/days when I feel the fear and I have days(the majority) when I don't even think about it. The most difficult times are when I have to adapt to new props, techniques, losses. Adapting to the walker and then the power chair was easy as they both gave me freedom/independence. Adapting to help with shower, dinner, drinking, etc. was more difficult--it seemed such loss of independence and made me feel less 'normal'. Losing all strength in my hands will be a big one. Legs I don't miss much, but arms and hands are my lifeline for 'going it alone'. Feeding tube, BiPap, I shall learn when the time comes(soon). Trache will take some mind over matter, but I know I can do it.

At my check-up 2 wks. ago, FVC(breathing input and output) was 57%--normal for my age is around 80%. I go again in October and if it drops I'll be scheduled for a feeding tube. Although I can still eat most foods they don't like to do the operation below 50%. I must have it for the future. How else can I get my Starbucks' buzz??

In general I'm feeling fine. My friends, Care Workers, and Family keep me in good spirits.

Baby eagles at Vanier Park

I went in search of an eagle's nest I had heard about. The sun was shining at me so the photos are not the best but memorable for me. Along the way I met a Heron(chatted awhile LOL) and saw the water lilies in full bloom in the lagoon. My camera is getting heavier(not me getting weaker!) so I find it difficult to take photos up high. Perhaps when I get a camera mount it will extend my time line for this hobby. Let's hope.

Do you remember the view-master? It was magic.

I'm hanging in there--with a smile

Oh shit! I got hit by a seagull.

Transitions--difficult to accept some times.

Independence is precious. My arms have become weaker and no longer support my weight well for transfers. I have requested a lift for night use when I'm in my weakest state--both physically and mentally. I get feeling down when these changes in my body continually rob me of any independence. However I soon adjust and get back to enjoying life.

The day will come when I will find it difficult to accept major changes--that's when family, friends and Care Aides will play a big role in helping me stay jovial. So far they've stepped up to the plate every time so I'm confident it will continue.

"Friendship makes prosperity more brilliant, and lightens adversity by dividing and sharing it."
-- Cicero (44 B.C.)